She's Got Legs

The first thing I noticed, along with everyone else, was that I had gained weight since entering into training.  I really do like the extra muscle but the only thing I hate is trying to get my skinnies on!  And it's not even the waist or the ass it's the legs!  I couldn't believe how much I had to struggle getting into my favorite skinny jeans.  So! This was the day I went to Buffalo Exchange, (as I always do when I'm in Austin) and had to trade off the majority of my skinny jeans =0(  I find myself now looking for different styles that best suit my changed body type.

Steph

::About My Outfit::

1. Calvin Klein denim vest
2. random white tank
3. High waist leopard shorts
4. Keds
5. vintage leather pouch
6. Ray Ban

Black and White Horse Arching among Us

It's always bittersweet being in my hometown.  It's so nice shopping and having lunch with my mom and spending time with my grandmother.  It's an emotional relief sitting and unloading all that's come to pass over whiskey with my best girlfriends and it's always nice to spend a day at South Padre Island.  Then once that's all done, and it never fails, I begin to feel overwhelmed and suffocated by the environment and people of my home town.  Regardless of how frustrated I can get with being home I am trying to focus on the happy memories I took from the trip. 

On my way to Brownsville, TX I usually always stop in Austin to see my older brother and shop of course.  My husband, like a lot of "Brownsvillians" has a love affair with Austin, I on the other hand have never cared for it.  I never like to stay there more than a day but since being away from my family for more than half of the last year I am all about making them happy.  So it was my idea to stay two days so that my husband could enjoy Austin.  Too long everyone around me has gone catering to my situation(s) supporting me, and loving me unconditionally.

Our first night in Austin we went to "Salt Lick," a BBQ restaurant in the outskirts of the city.  Believe it or not I was over dressed!  Benny said jokingly to stop looking like a city girl, ha!  Even though I feel the Army has changed how I want to look and dress like, it still feels so nice to put outfits together and to dress up and feel pretty unlike the last 8 months of my life. 

Steph

::About My Outfit::

1. Zebra print Romper from Hot Topic
2. Forever 21 sheer cover
3. Good Will red clutch

Right where I left off

Officially I have been home for three days now and it has been an easy adjustment getting back into my old routines.  Before I came home I questioned if I would continue blogging and since I've been home it is all I can think about.  The military changes everything and even though I am 27 years old and am well aware of who I am and what I want I feel different and wiser all the more.  Maybe we never stop growing up.  

After I took 30 days convalescent leave for my fractured pelvis I returned to Ft. Leonardwood and too my company.  Everyone had graduated and was now in Advanced Individual training.  I was a lot stronger but my physical therapist was extra cautious and would not return me to duty right away.  I was transferred to a unit for injured/fat soldiers called "Fitness Training Unit."  I stayed there for about 3 weeks and worked my ass off.  When I got my "return to duty" from my physical therapist I went back to my company (already training a new set of soldiers) and I took a PT test; passed and graduated.  Once I got to Ft. Jackson, South Carolina it was a fast 8 weeks of training.  

Of course there is a lot more pain and anguish to the story...out of the 7 months I spent in training about 3 of those months where spent in such depression.  Point is, I made it out alive and even though I'll have to deal with the pain of my injury for the rest of my life, I am so happy I am no longer in training status.  I am so happy to be home and I am so ready to move on with my career and life.  

::About My Outfit::

 

1. A'gaci floral strapless blouse
2. i'klektic harem pants
3. Steve Madden ballet flats
4. i'klektic Hamsa bracelet

Church Attire

For the record I needed a hand to my elbow to walk in these shoes on my bad leg hehe

::About My Outfit::

1. Forever 21 boyfriend cardigan 
2. A'Gaci cropped royal blue blouse
3. A'Gaci white trousers
4. Charlotte Russe skinny belt
5. Thrifted grandma tote

My Army is Down. My Company Old.

I've been a bit of a hobo lately...especially on the days my husband forces me out of bed and out of the confines of my cave. 

Last Sunday I got up extra early and crutched my way over to Queen of Peace Catholic church.  Every Sunday in Basic Training most of us attend church to relieve the stress of whatever the week endured.  But more so than getting away even for just an hour from the barracks I found myself relying on God more than anything during BCT.   I don't think I've ever prayed so much in my life.  I prayed for my family, I prayed for my health, for my battle buddies, for my company, and even for my drill sergeants; and prayed for a successful week of training.  I never forgot to give thanks for everything I had been blessed for thus far.

Before I enlisted there were many who didn't agree with the career move I was making.  In fact, I went back and fourth many times about joining.  I would back out then change my mind, then change my mind again.  But I was never happy with my life; I always wanted something more.  I always had 2nd thoughts about enlisting because I was scared like everyone else, but something deep inside me told me I would always regret it if I didn't take the plunge.  The feeling was horrible; something told me I had to do this. And so I did.

And now I'm here.  A fractured pelvis and the state of my Army career out of my hands.  No control.  I struggle everyday with why this happened.  I feel like, if every fiber in my body willed me into doing this then why has this happened to me?  Why do I feel as if I've failed and what the fuck am I suppose to learn from this when this meant everything to me and was never taken for granted???  I don't ask God why as I'm sure I'll find out later, but it doesn't take the pain away.  Like when I shop, I don't buy something unless I'm absolutely sure of it.  I imagine all the different ways the item can be worn and what else it can be paired with.  I think about how long it will last and wonder if it will be worth the money I spend on it in the end. If that sounds dumb, well this is how I contemplated joining the Army.  In other words, I never do anything without being absolutely sure of it.  I was absolutely sure of this and now as I lay in bed and scramble my thoughts I sometimes wonder if this was all a bad idea; did the government make a bad investment in me?  As sure of a person I am; strong-headed, and confident; I am now just so confused.  Confusion usually leads to fear.

I have two and a half more weeks that I'm determined to spend in my bed as much as possible...yet, today I bought a one piece bathing suit so that I could do laps for an hour straight tomorrow afternoon.  I know I need rest, but my mind is telling me "I WILL HEAL! FUCK THIS INJURY! GET READY TO GET BACK TO TRAINING!"  ....but I know I need rest...  The disbelief and shock of all this, the pain of having to leave people I loved, and the loss of control has put me in disarray and I can't seem to get myself back.  Lots of tears and lashing out are symptoms of this disarray. 

I wish I had an outlet; I wish I had someone to talk to that completely understood (that person is in a dirty barb-wired field, freezing her ass off and I should be with her,)  I wish I could write...I'm writing now, but I can't seem to gather my thoughts and put them down in an orderly and understandable way.  So with that said, I am going to stop here and decide if I should post this or not...this isn't very fashionable anyway, huh?

Steph

Silver Soul

::About My Outfit::

1. Sorbet orange guess tee
2. Express editor pants
3. Wet Seal cardi
4. Random leopard flats
5. Dooney tote

Four Years

Also I would just like to take a little space in this little blog to say Happy Anniversary to my sweet husband.  Four happy (for the most part, hehe) years together.  I love him dearly and am grateful to have such a wonderful man to support and take care of me!

::About My Outfit::

1. Hot Topic skull cut out top
2. Hot Kiss denim shorts
3. Forever 21 forest green tights
4. Hello Kitty hot pink tote
5. I have no idea where I got those oxfords